As in the attack-attack style of relationship issues, each partner feels that they are in the right. Indeed the attacking partner may feel that the other one’s withdrawal is a kind of attack in itself. They may use the same kinds of words as the attack-attack couple, for example: ‘She’s unreasonable and her attacks are out of proportion to the problem’, or ‘I can’t get him to respond, he goes into a sulk and it gets very lonely and frustrating.’However, it is difficult to find a solution to the problem, because thanks to the withdrawal, the couple can never get to the point of discussing it at any length. It is often a bit like a battle between a machine gun and a fort. The person who is attacking goes heavily into criticism and complaint, while the other remains quiet, noncommittal and defensive, and appears to be waiting for the storm to ‘blow over’.

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